From ‘wizards of wank’ to the warriors of wankVizeum
As PR launches go, Vizeum’s was textbook dreadful. Fronted by a bloke called Martyn and little more than a re-badging of an existing media agency with some new jargon thrown in, I’ll remember it as one of the worst beginnings for a new agency brand of all time.
Yes, I was there at the 2003 Vizeum debacle in London, headed by then global COO Martyn Rattle, when the Aegis agency BBJ was rebadged.
I wonder if the new local offering, fronted by Frank Media’s Martyn Thomas, will go the same way.
More on that in a moment but for now, back to the 2003 launch. They hired a swanky auditorium for the press conference. Slightly late, I arrived just as people were sitting down. There were perhaps 20 or so of us. The room darkened almost immediately and the presentation began. Rattle talked at length about how Vizeum was going to be all about “connectology”. The show included a swanky video, backed with a lot of jargon which was both impressive-sounding and impenetrable.
Then the lights came up and the press were invited to ask questions. At which point it dawned on me that I was the only member of the press who’d shown up. Everyone else in the screening hall were Aegis staff, from global CEO Doug Flynn downwards. It was not a lengthy Q&A session.
A few days later, my rival magazine at the time, Campaign, took a look at the Vizeum website, curious about connectology. Its diary page reported:
“For those of you who are quite rightly wondering what the feck this means, the site helpfully also includes a short film, by way of, erm … explanation.
“It shows two young lovers against a moody cityscape, locked in a tender embrace. Behind them handwritten words such as “internet”, “e-mail”, “SMS” and “trolleys” appear poignantly in the cloudy sky.
“Further inspection of the site also reveals the fact that far from being the staff of a second-string network, the Vizeum guys are actually “magicians of memory”, “chemists of conversation” and “smile synthesizers”. May we also suggest ‘wizards of wank’?
And the phrase stuck. Long after the buzz phrases on the web site had been toned down, Vizeum was still known to its rivals as the wizards of wank.
In Australia, it was something else that was slightly embarrassing for Aegis, and that was how long it was taking to bring the brand here.
It’s pretty much the last of the major global media agency brands to have an offering in Australia, so Friday’s announcement that Vizeum is finally (sort of) launching here should be seen in that context. The fact that it was announced on a Friday afternoon – traditionally the time when the industry is looking the other way – is intriguing in itself. So far the only reference to the launch I can find on Google News is on Media, a Hong Kong-based website (plus a piece in the print edition of AdNews).
Slightly oddly again is why – after waiting so long – they’ve gone public with only half the story in place. So while the Melbourne office – FrankVizeum (or FRANkVizeum as they rather more randomly wish to be known and I refuse to type) is going to be a venture with Frank Media (which Aegis doesn’t have a stake in, apparently). And they can’t yet name a boss for the Sydney operation.
Not that one should necessarily believe everything in the announcement. According to Aegis boss Lee Stephens: “The key for us has been to match the needs of the market and the strengths of Vizeum globally.”
It’s quite hard to make the case that in a downturn, what the market is crying out for is yet another media agency, and a second string one to Carat at that, but I suppose it’s one of those things that he feels he has to say.
The press release goes on:
“Vizeum was set up as a challenger brand, to help clients interrogate the way their brands are perceived in the marketplace. Vizeum is a media company that does not start with media.”
The italics were theirs. Hang on – my wank detector is starting to tingle…
“Vizeum is also the first and only agency using an inspirational and psychological approach in communication and have embedded into the offering a product called Censydiam, via Synovate. They are world leaders in comprehending motivations.”
Sorry?
Maybe I should take a tip from Campaign and see what’s on the FrankVizeum, sorry FRANkVizeum, website. And if there’s no mention of connectology, they’re still banging on about connections:
“We fuse audience motivation, brand truth and communications experience to create the perfect connection. Connections create a new level of emotional engagement which one dimensional planning by numbers can never attain. We are curious about people, we are passionate about the world out there, we love brands, we believe in speaking the truth about what’s right for you, we are imaginatively creative, we are in the moment – learning from the past but keen to gear up for the future. Connections are our DNA.”
And there’s more:
“We are warriors in the established world of communications as well as nomads in the green pastures emerging at the beginning of the 21st century.”
Warriors of what, I wonder?
Tim Burrowes
Linkedin
Geez, no holding back… How about you tell us what you really think Tim!
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If they’re so good at ‘comprehending motivations’, one does wonder what their motivation for writing incomprehensible poppycock might be.
Or perhaps my grasp of the English language isn’t quite what it should be.
Warriors of waffle?
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Maybe the following link should be added to their website …
http://www.potfire.com.au/entertain/wwbingo.htm
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Good one Tim!
I totally agree that media agencies can draw very long and tenuous bows in an attempt to differentiate themselves or their offer. You are lucky enough to see them all from an observers perspective. It sounds like it is exhausting.
The proof will be in the doing and we’ll work hard to bring some life into what appears to be some grammatically suspect sentences above.
Sounds like the UK launch of Vizeum made some serious connections with you. Maybe the theory works 😉
Take care,
Lee.
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Was the above just another wank?
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I always find it amusing how these self proclaimed masters of communication fill their releases with language so obtuse it’s virtually useless as a piece of communication. Does this piece make the perfect connection? I think not…
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“Chalk Chalk BOOM”
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Wanktastic!
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Should’ve just rebranded as BBBJ – wouldn’t that be an upgrade for wankers? 😉
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It is hard for media agencies to differentiate their offerings. However, by trying to do so things move on and plans become more creative.
I say let companies be judged by the work they do and the results they achieve for their clients.
Finally, if your are going to have a dig at someone, have the bottle to put your name to it.
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James, where are the missing names?
Wanktabulous!
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Alexander,
Further up the thread there is Anon and and what I believe to be nicknames.
James
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Fair point, James.
Hate anonymice myself…
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