Dr Mumbo

De Ceglie looking for fire-breather, juggler to lighten up Seven’s evening news

In a bid to revamp its evening news bulletin, Seven’s freshly-appointed news boss Anthony De Ceglie is reportedly searching for a juggler, a fire-breather, and twins who can do high wire stunts, as part of a plan to refresh the tired old evening news bulletin.

Aiming to blend the horrors of Australia’s top rating news show with the joys of the light entertainment programming that has led Seven to become the #1 TV Network©, Seven plans to interject the “heavier” news items, such as a car crash or a world war, with fun inserts of live in-studio circus tricks, stand-up routines, and brief songs from some of today’s most exciting pop artists.

This new-look news bulletin comes after De Ceglie recruited comedian Mark Humphries to cap each evening’s news bulletin with a three-minute satirical routine, thus providing a smooth transition from firebombed tobacconists to Dancing With The Stars.

According to The Daily Telegraph, De Ceglie is also looking for a hotshot astrologer to join the evening news, a move that has the full approval of Kerry Stokes, who tells Dr Mumbo, “the real future is Boral”.

Dr Mumbo hears that a soothsayer, water diviner, and Feng shui practitioner will also join the Seven news team, although it is not understood if these will be on-air roles.

With Mark Ferguson going on holiday during the Olympics, De Ceglie will also be experimenting with a cavalcade of news anchors. Dr Mumbo hears that among those De Ceglie is drafting into the hot seat is actress Georgie Parker, Bruce Lehrmann, who is still officially on the payroll, and the animated Solomons Flooring genie.

This is a developing story.

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