Hope springs eternal with the Tele’s horoscope
It may came as a surprise to learn that Dr Mumbo is a slightly cynical type when it comes to horoscopes, so he generally skips past Jonathan Cainer’s column in Sydney’s Daily Telegraph.
But today he dropped by to see what his year holds.
For Aries, the syndicated columnist concludes with good news: “I’ve seen a big, hopeful sign. I’ll tell you what you can do about it in your four minute forecast.”
Which will only cost the reader (assuming it really is only four minutes) a bargain five bucks or so from their landline.
What about Taurus? Guess what? “I’ve seen a big, hopeful sign. I’ll tell you what you can do about it in your four minute forecast.”
Lumme. There’s a coincidence. How about Gemini? “I’ve seen a big, hopeful sign. I’ll tell you what you can do about it in your four minute forecast.”
Cripes. Cancer? “I’ve seen a big, hopeful sign. I’ll tell you what you can do about it in your four minute forecast.”
Leo? “I’ve seen a big, hopeful sign. I’ll tell you what you can do about it in your four minute forecast.”
See a pattern emerging yet? How about Virgo? “I’ve seen a big, hopeful sign. I’ll tell you what you can do about it in your four minute forecast.”
Let’s fast forward a bit. What’s his advice for Libra, Scorpio and Sagittarius? You’ve guessed it: “I’ve seen a big, hopeful sign. I’ll tell you what you can do about it in your four minute forecast.”
And you may not be shocked to hear his conclusion for Capricorn, Aquarius and Pisces: “I’ve seen a big, hopeful sign. I’ll tell you what you can do about it in your four minute forecast.”
That’s a whole lot of hope. My Cainer really is the Obama of the horoscope world.
But perhaps it was just a one-off production glitch from a sub who’d rather not have been working on Australia Day.
So how did yesterday’s stars look in the Tele? Every one concluded the same way: “I’ve seen a big, hopeful sign. I’ll tell you what you can do about it in your four minute forecast.”
And the day before that too.
But, like Mr Cainer, you probably saw that coming.
Richard Glover, who hosts 702’s drive time slot, used to draw horoscopes out of a box, at a regional paper he once worked at.
Local people swore by their accuracy.
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The first job I had as a cadet journo was writing horoscopes on a (not that small) regional paper. The task involved re-editing 15 year old versions (found by random runs through the microfiche).
Actually, strictly speaking, the first job I had as a cadet journo was making sure the boss was topped up with enough VB and darts for the day.
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Lets have a column / comment about first jobs and starting out in media & associated business…i liked hearing about keeping the boss topped up with VB and darts 🙂 I am serious!!
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They appear on news.com.au too and I hated them so much that I switched to smh.com.au ….. not that I believe in that stuff of course… hhmmm.
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Fancy having a story about fleecing money off of dumb gullible people on a marketing and advertising website.
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I was a features writer at a glam glossy and watched each month as various colleagues scribbled pompous sounding fortunes on paper, mostly cribbed from OS journals. They were then drawn out of a bag and run . . . Talk about ridiculous! imagine thinking that 1/12 of the world’s population will have the same fate that day/month as you! Actually, The Aus magazine’s are uncannily accurate . . .
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