Dr Mumbo

All the winners, but mainly the losers, from Triple M’s Steaming Brown Logies

This weekend should have been TV’s night of nights, the 62nd TV Week Logie Awards, but in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, the event was cancelled. Never fear though, Triple M Sydney’s Moonman in the Morning came up with a replacement – Rudi Vanderstone’s Steaming Brown Logies.

Held this morning, it had everything you would expect from the Logies – celebrities, alcohol and awkward acceptance speeches. Ok, it had none of those things. But Dr Mumbo is happy to report the 30-minute ceremony did crown several winners in categories the ‘TV industry is too scared to touch’.

Hosted by ‘TV critic’ Rudi Vanderstone (or, Lawrence Mooney with a questionable Dutch accent), the ceremony started boldly with a gag about Carrie Bickmore’s charity work and a fat joke.

“Carrie Bickmore of course, she’s a Gold Logie winner. If she wins the Steaming Brown Logie tonight no beanie speeches please, Carrie. Carrie’s a journalist, did you know that? I’ve seen harder-hitting exposés from the Brand Power lady. How much is dental floss actually worth?,” Vanderstone said in his intro speech.

“Tracy Grimshaw, a real stalwart on ACA. A lot of unkind things have been said about Tracy over the years, and here’s another one. Sooner or later we’re going to be watching ACA at the IMAX cinema.”

Amid the groundbreaking comedy material, which has already forced Studio 10 to issue an apology, there were some harsh critiques on the Australian TV industry, including its reliance on ageing white people.

“Sam Newman finally parted ways with Channel Nine and perhaps in 50 years someone will get a sample of Sam’s DNA and clone him and bring him back along with Kerri-Anne Kennerley and Fatty Vautin for a futuristic amusement park of Australian TV dinosaurs.”

Dr Mumbo sides with Vanderstone on this one.

Now for the winners, Reality Television Shtinkers was won by Married At First Sight, or “a place where real estate agents go to meet beauticians under the auspices of alcohol and so they can share their inked skin together”.

Former contestant (and Dancing With The Stars evictee) Dean Wells was called on to accept the win, by satellite from Manly – “All the things you can use a satellite for and we’re using it to speak to Dean Wells from MAFS.”

Wells used the time to boast about how many women he had “hooked up with” on the dating show which matches people using ‘experts’ (two or three, claims Wells) before the call was cut by Vanderstone, one of the highlights of the event in Dr Mumbo’s opinion.

‘Rudi’ on Studio 10

Ordinary Losers Competing on the Television and Humiliating Themselves was won by Lego Masters; Steaming Streaming by Tiger King; and Mutts, Mongrels and Half Breeds by MAFS again.

Despite saying nothing was new in Australian TV and therefore refusing to name nominees, The Newest Nugget was still won by Studio 10’s Joe Hildebrand – “He’s not new and he’s not talented, but he’s won the Brown Logie anyway,” Vanderstone conceded.

Lastly, the moment we’d all been waiting for, the winner of The Steaming Brown Logie, or Worst Talent. Beating out The Project’s Peter Helliar, Tommy Little and Waleed Aly; A Current Affair’s Tracy Grimshaw; Sunrise’s David Koch,; and ABC’s Julia Zemiro, the win went to Gardening Australia’s Costa Georgiadis.

Now Dr Mumbo would never want to draw attention to any TV trickery, but a quick check of the original press release sent by the Triple M team confirmed Georgiadis was never up for the award. However, he was available for a quick phone chat after winning. Perhaps that pushed him ahead of the other contestants – people get a lot more important when they’re the only ones who’ll return your calls.

Georgiadis’ first stint on TV was as a part of Hey Hey It’s Saturday’s Red Faces, which provided hours of content for Vanderstone.

“Were you a part of the Jackson Jive?” he asked Georgiadis, referring to the infamous Red Faces skit which saw medical students don blackface.

But it turns out Georgiadis was part of the Hellenic Rebirth Brothers who won their Red Faces stint in the 1990s by … rapping and yodelling.

“So [Daryl Somers] is not only responsible for the Jackson Jive but for kickstarting your horrible career,” concluded Vanderstone.

Dr Mumbo is happy that, just like the traditional Logies, the Steaming Brown Logies were able to capture the ups and downs of Australia’s TV landscape. All that was missing was Tom Gleeson, but there’s always next year.


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