The best job you’ll never have
Applying for jobs is a pain at the best of times – bending and twisting your professional (and sometimes personal) life into a narrative which fits the dot points, the deliverables, the demands. But do it, we must.
Every now and then though, a job comes along that’s so ridiculous, even Dr Mumbo can’t get on board with the application process.
Enter Ultimate Edge Communications, which is seeking a “senior executive assistant / office manager / professional governess”. The ad declares to would-be applicants that whilst 24/7 isn’t expected, “Your personal constraints need to be minimal for this to work. Even though I have an open mind to a wide variety of personal considerations, I need you fully focused on achieving the goals and outcomes I set.”
And, it won’t come easy.
I love this so much. Thought it was a joke. Liked it then.
Then realised it wasn’t and loved it more.
I can only expect web traffic to the employer in question will spike as a result of this. If you want more of the (long form) same, read their about us page. Sorry, About ME page.
This has been the funniest post I read this month and I read a lot of posts from Twitter and Reddit! Thank you Mumbrella. I needed a good laugh. I’m glad I’m not the only one who went on to read the sequel: aka: ABOUT ME PAGE.
Did you see how many roles they have available? It’s so great to work there that there are so many vacancies!
their website lists their company USP as….
We’re relentless trailblazers on the leading edge, delivering fully-integrated data-driven media, creative design and marketing automation & intelligence by intimately collaborating with high growth brands seeking long-lasting, market-beating results from an infectiously passionate team
They forced every employee to memorise this and repeat it numerous times during the week.. they were embarrassed if they didn’t get it right.
They win at BS bingo…
Sounds like the role Anne Hathaway’s character worked in the Devil Wears Prada
If you haven’t already, look up the company on Glassdoor and read the reviews… WOW!!
WOW. those reviews!!… sounds like hell to work there.
Yikes indeed
I can find Aleisha McCall nominated as an Entrepreneur in the 2017 30 Under 30 awards, but I can’t find her as a winner of media anywhere. Odd.
Mumbo jumbo aside, Ultimate Edge Communication can’t tell you what it does. You’d need your head read to want to work for such a meaningless company.
I thought for a second that Roxy Jacenko started a new biz
Hi Mumbrella Team,
Please contact me for an interview, I’d like the opportunity to offer my perspective.
As a fulltime, working mum and CEO with a 6 month baby and a 3 year old, I need a superstar to help me achieve my outcomes.
Aleisha McCall, Ultimate Edge, CEO
Hi Aleisha,
Feel free to shoot me an email: vivienne@mumbrella.com.au, and we can set something up.
I see you’ve also contacted me on LinkedIn, so I’ll have a chat to you there too.
Vivienne – Mumbrella
How quickly can we do this interview? It could beat Prince Andrew’s car crash.
Not as quickly as I would have liked, but it is done now:
https://mumbrella.com.au/the-interview-you-all-wanted-aleisha-mccall-responds-to-adlands-worst-job-ad-of-2020-631560
Sounds good, I have emailed you.
I wonder if the so called Business Partner aka “Puppet Master” aka “Exponential Growth Strategist” will also be attending the interview to pull the ventriloquist act.
Hahaha I saw this on Twitter and so glad Mumbrella has picked it up. The requirements were actually slightly changed after it was first posted but people on Twitter were quick enough to take screenshots – it said “You must have a driver’s license and a valid credit card with a minimum of $2000 of available margin”.
Mumbrella, please make sure you cover this in the follow-up interview.
Hello LMAO,
It’s here for your reading pleasure:
https://mumbrella.com.au/the-interview-you-all-wanted-aleisha-mccall-responds-to-adlands-worst-job-ad-of-2020-631560
Vivienne – Mumbrella
there must be another side to this story… will we get to hear it?
Yes. You will.
It is available for you to read, in full, now:
https://mumbrella.com.au/the-interview-you-all-wanted-aleisha-mccall-responds-to-adlands-worst-job-ad-of-2020-631560
Vivienne – Mumbrella
Me reading the article:
Well at least they didn’t use the most irritating term in media recruitment.
Me seeing ‘superstar’ in the CEO’s comment:
BINGO
omg I can’t wait for this interview
Well, here it is:
https://mumbrella.com.au/the-interview-you-all-wanted-aleisha-mccall-responds-to-adlands-worst-job-ad-of-2020-631560
Vivienne – Mumbrella
What a train wreck, Aleisha you will need to do your own:
•Loyalty, honesty, integrity
•Polished, professional, positive, friendly demeanor
•Exceptional attention to detail and quality
•Act with absolute discretion and confidentiality
•Highly organised, proactive, and trustworthy
•Exceptional organisational and time management skills
•Able to multitask and work with conflicting priorities
•A positive “can do” attitude
•A strong sense of judgment and ethics
•Mastery of Microsoft Office and fast typing skills
•You must master web browsing, Internet (Google) search, social media platforms (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram) and all other current technologies including smartphone apps and the cloud (Dropbox, Google Suite, etc.).
•Excellent written skills in English
•Great interpersonal skills
•Deadline oriented
•Able to work autonomously and take initiative with little direction and explanation
•The ability to read-between-the-lines and fill in the missing gaps.
•Ability to thrive in a fast-paced environment and proven experience working with tight deadlines
•High levels of emotional intelligence and common sense
•Open-minded and flexible to change
To get out of this pickle in a hurry (won’t somebody think of the children)…
Ha – look at Glassdoor and have some self-awareness…
Even Anna Wintour would roll her eyes.
Cannot wait to hear your side of making up your awards wins
You can read Aleisha’s response to these accusations here:
https://mumbrella.com.au/the-interview-you-all-wanted-aleisha-mccall-responds-to-adlands-worst-job-ad-of-2020-631560
Thanks,
Vivienne – Mumbrella
She’s baaaaaack!
https://www.seek.com.au/Job/50101052/?cid=ios-share
Hire a nanny! You are looking for an automation specialist, a designer and a PA wrapped into one with the additional burden of helping you sort your personal life? Sure you’re a busy mom, so am I, but cramming all those requirements into one person is cheap as…
Never thought any piece of content on mumbrella could beat the day in the life of Kerrin Rae. But Dr. Mumbo – you are the ambassador and this is the tray of ferrero Rocher!
No company would write such a pompous job advert.
Please someone tell me this is a joke?
This is a nightmare!
Under “Your qualities” they forgot to say “ability to translate into English the About bit”. What a load of tripe this is.
According to ads / site they’re also currently offering $50k in “free” media to new clients… don’t pitch but will give free media. God only knows what sort of inventory is in that. Feels alllll too grubby.
WOW I’m surprised that they decided to stereotype the role as a women’s role only with ‘professional governess.’ Do they assume that the role would only appeal to women or do they not believe that men can also want to be executive assistants?
Shes a mum – surely she would understand about flexible working patterns? i think she needs a serious wake up call. Before you start hiring your EA take a good hard look at the working culture you’re representing……
The alarming thing is that she is a mother herself? Surely she would understand the importance of work flexibility?
I think she needs a serious wake up call….
“..you will have the opportunity to optimise the use of our resources, contractors and suppliers, orchestrating them to a symphonic level of value creation..” Do I need to be a maestro as well?
Translated, that means “get our suppliers to do all the work, screw them down on price, pitch the work as your own, and take the credit.”
Nice.
I’ve got a mate who’s an orchestral conductor, and not getting much work right now… I’ll have to pass this on to him!
Beating up on a hard-working aussie mum looking for some help… Shameful!
I’m a mom and this is the biggest load of bs I have ever seen.
She’s not looking for help; she’s looking for a slave to rest her boot on.
This is almost identical to the job description for my first post uni role. The CEO nearly broke me and I’m pretty sure he delighted in it. Seeing this advert sent me back to that place 20 years ago with a cold shiver down my spine. Every role advertised required a photo (for identification purposes only haha). I was once chastised for not being excited enough about problem solving (after arranging for a plumber to unblock a tenant’s toilet). I had to babysit at the drop of a hat when his kids were sick (day or night). He punched a hole in the wall when I made a typo and I had to rent an apartment in my name for his mistress who was also employed by us. Oh the memories of this delightful place to work. But his view – it’s just a challenging role and should you feel blessed to work for me.
Also worth a look is how they attribute “media value” to a campaign e.g: https://www.ultimateedgecommunications.com.au/case-studies/under-armour-curry-3-campaign/
And what is the salary for this position? It better be over 100K as it seems more like a COO role than an EA
salary on seek says $100-150K
It’s a lie, they will give you 60k and say you can earn upto 50k in bonuses if they hit targets, but they constantly move the targets. In my time nobody got the bonus even the longest standing staff.. which anything over a year was like answered with “wow and why”
Perhaps a Robot will do the job? Think about it.
Ok Google!!
Check this out. Marc Dussault (mentioned here) taught Ms McCall at UTS (it’s on her LinkedIn page). The ad mentioned in this piece and the one you covered today seem strikingly similar… https://www.smh.com.au/national/myob-s-chief-set-to-take-business-council-reins-20190808-p52fbo.html
Oh my goodness. so unacceptable and so demnading in their requirements. I too thought this is a joke, but no its not April 1st.
I suggest Aleisha McCall, winner of B&T’s “Top 30 under 30”, reconsider her self importance and learn how to manage a team.
Then she might be a chance to be considered for the top 40 under 40. Lets hope its not a “A lengthy, multi-step, time-consuming hiring process” for her.
Oh please do the follow up. I can’t wait to hear the 10 page justification of her narcissism . Looking forward to this…
Look halfway down this article Doctor Wants a Donna https://www.smh.com.au/national/myob-s-chief-set-to-take-business-council-reins-20190808-p52fbo.html
Ha yes! Last year they wanted a “Donna” from Suits. That job ad is here https://twitter.com/erinrileyau/status/1157808143260196864
And the Doctor they are referring to is this guy – http://www.marcdussault.com/about-dr-marc-dussault.
THIS is who we need to see interviewed Mumbrella
https://www.linkedin.com/in/marcdussault/
I don’t know why she didn’t connect with me first…
I applied for a copywriting job here about two years ago and had to complete not one but two personality tests and a phone interview before they asked to see any of my writing…
I believe that ‘Arseholes’R’Us’ have a similar opportunity forthcoming.
But is ARU’s CEO used to skating on thin ice (internationally)?
>>Acting as the central point of contact and gatekeeper between me, my clients and other stakeholders (contractors and suppliers)< 1. Please introduce yourself with a YouTube video (you can use a private link). I need someone who is social media savvy.
Film yourself on your phone or laptop and upload it to Youtube.
>2. Please include your Linked In profile link, I need someone with a professional presence.
Anyone can open a LinkedIn profile.
>3. Please include a current CV that highlights your accomplishments relevant to this role with at least 1 personal reference I can contact by phone or email.
Only a _personal_ reference you notice, not a business reference. It could be your auntie or Drama teacher.
>4. Please respond with ONE PDF with your full name in the filename and role so we can manage your application effectively.
In other words they can’t get the printer to work so they plug a USB stick directly into the printer…
Let me guess… pays $65k?
seek says it pays $100-150K
I am engrossed in the saga that is Ultimate Edge! From the horrendous Glassdoor reviews to the actual site, I have to ask the question…
“Even by media standards, why are there 2 pages of fluff in the space of 1 succinct sentence?”
Most of it doesn’t make sense and is just buzzword filler. It’s everywhere UE, from About Us to the job ads. Whoever does their copy needs a kick up the ass.
(Viv, please address this in your interview!!)
I didn’t get to ask this question, but I do thank you for your participation and interest.
You can read the full interview here:
https://mumbrella.com.au/the-interview-you-all-wanted-aleisha-mccall-responds-to-adlands-worst-job-ad-of-2020-631560
Thanks,
Vivienne – Mumbrella
Just check out Glassdoor to have an idea of what you would you would be getting yourself in for
https://www.glassdoor.com.au/Reviews/Ultimate-Edge-Communications-Reviews-E2240231.htm
The original job listing also said you have to have a valid drivers license and credit card with $2,000 limit. Please make sure you ask about this. And why she removed them.
https://www.glassdoor.com.au/Reviews/Ultimate-Edge-Communications-Reviews-E2240231.htm
the review is on par with these guys
https://www.glassdoor.com.au/Reviews/Cummins-and-Partners-Reviews-E995145.htm
Hire #1 should be an editor.
What a mess of words. So many words that the meaning is lost.
The website is even worse.
I still have no idea what this company does or what their USP is. Something about media, consultancy and velocity (or some similar word they pulled out of a Thesaurus
I worked at Cummins and staff were asked to write positive reviews on glass door. As a junior it is difficult to say no. A lot of their negative reviews have been removed.
The positive reviews on Glassdoor for this place are bullshit, as you can probably guess.
This is amazing. There’s even a video on the seek advert.
Psych tests in the hands of Narcissist bosses is the basis of all good workplace nervous breakdowns (and reality TV shows)
The Glassdoor reviews are absolutely accurate. They had over 30+ leave within a year, for a team of 10-12 that’s a ridiculous turnover rate at any standard. Most people
left after a month
The truth can be hard to handle. No more ultimate edge on Glassdoor. Hope everyone here got to read the reviews before it was removed.
I can vouch for Aleisha and her integrity is 100% sound. I think there’s a culture in Australia you need to get paid the highest rate whether you have qualifications or not and whether you actually do your job well or not.
You need superstars on your team not complainers or bludgers. Let’s keep in mind most people will post negative reviews and not positive ones.
I personally think it’s a great opportunity and I’d apply if I could!
What the actual F.
…She’s baaaaaaack!
https://www.seek.com.au/Job/50101052/?cid=ios-share
Is this for real? Where’s that 3 hr interview!?!? Please do it Vivienne
Startup job ads decoded:
We have a flat structure -> the CEO makes every decision
Lots of autonomy -> you will have to figure it out by yourself
Fast paced environment -> we are all stressed
Looking for a self starter -> we have no idea what we’re doing
We are bootstrapped -> may not make payroll next month
We all wear many hats -> you will have to do other people’s jobs
Unlimited holiday -> no holiday
No job titles -> no advancement
No managers -> no mentorship