The best job you’ll never have
Applying for jobs is a pain at the best of times – bending and twisting your professional (and sometimes personal) life into a narrative which fits the dot points, the deliverables, the demands. But do it, we must.
Every now and then though, a job comes along that’s so ridiculous, even Dr Mumbo can’t get on board with the application process.
Enter Ultimate Edge Communications, which is seeking a “senior executive assistant / office manager / professional governess”. The ad declares to would-be applicants that whilst 24/7 isn’t expected, “Your personal constraints need to be minimal for this to work. Even though I have an open mind to a wide variety of personal considerations, I need you fully focused on achieving the goals and outcomes I set.”
And, it won’t come easy.
The job ad – since pulled but available in full for you to digest below – admits that “this position requires a high level of energy sustained over long periods of time often with few, short breaks in-between”.
Interested?
All you need to do is make a YouTube video introducing yourself, and provide your LinkedIn, a CV and references. Easy. Then it’s just a small matter of a personality test, a meeting and a four to six-week process.
When the successful applicant gets the job, it requires “an immediate start”, which Dr Mumbo believes could put people in a bit of a pickle.
“If, by now, you’re thinking this is all too demanding, please stop reading now and I thank you for your time and consideration. This role is not for you. That’s ok.”
Thank you for the reassurance.
One line Dr Mumbo does agree with in the ad is “it’s not for everyone”.
Here, for your Tuesday afternoon enjoyment, is the ad in all its glory. Emphasis added to Dr Mumbo’s most delicious demands.
Senior Executive Assistant / Office Manager / Professional Governess
As the CEO of a high-growth company, I’m looking for someone to manage all aspects of my work life, which with a young family, spills into my personal/home life.
This EA/PA role is far from ordinary or standard because my needs and expectations are quite specific.
This position requires a high level of energy sustained over long periods of time often with few, short breaks in-between, so it’s not for everyone.
You’ll be reporting and working directly with me. As the ideal candidate, you’ll demonstrate exceptional drive, productivity and ingenuity in a role that intersects somewhere between an Executive Assistant (EA), office manager and governess.
When “I’ve got a problem” or “I need a solution fast,” you’ll be the one to respond with “I’ll handle it!” You’ll find a way…
Because it’s what you do.
It’s who you are… The exceptional go-getter, problem-solver, dot connector, optimiser, coordinator and people-person.
You need to have worked with a high profile CEO who can vouch for you, I will need to talk to him or her to understand how we can work best together.
What makes the role interesting is that you will have the opportunity to optimise the use of our resources, contractors and suppliers, orchestrating them to a symphonic level of value creation for my team and our clients.
You must pay attention to details knowing that it’s the little things that make a big difference. I am very busy juggling multiple priorities and will count on your to connect the dots and make sure nothing falls through the gaps.
Your adaptability and flexibility will enable you to manage both my corporate schedule and tasks as well as my personal activities and social commitments.
Your experience needs to encompass a wide range of personalities, including business owners, technical and creative people as well as staff from administrative clerks to freelance contractors scattered around the world.
If, by now, you’re thinking this is all too demanding, please stop reading now and I thank you for your time and consideration. This role is not for you. That’s OK.
If, however, you’re thinking “This sounds exciting”, then keep reading.
I am not expecting a 24/7 commitment but at the same time, this is not a 9-5 role either.
You need to approach this as a VOCATION, a MISSION, not just a job.
Your personal constraints need to be minimal for this to work. Even though I have an open mind to a wide variety of personal considerations, I need you fully focused on achieving the goals and outcomes I set.
The Purpose of the Role
The purpose of this role is to provide high-level and confidential executive secretarial and administrative support to me in a responsible, well-organised and timely manner.
You will become the primary coordinator for all major projects and tasks, working with me one-on-one to get ‘everything done’ that needs to get done.
The Role and Responsibilities
Here’s a quick overview of what your responsibilities will include.
- Providing high-level clerical and administrative support
- Preparing documents including reports, letters and presentations
- Completing special projects as directed
- Preparing board meeting documentation and reports
- Taking notes and minutes of important meetings
- Managing documents
- Acting as the central point of contact and gatekeeper between me, my clients and other stakeholders (contractors and suppliers)
- Screening and managing phone calls and emails
- Handling requests and queries appropriately
- Managing meeting and travel diaries
- Coordinating and staging events, presentations, meetings, workshops, seminars and speeches
- Preparing, writing, proofing and editing documentation including webpages, blog posts, PDFs and presentations
- Scheduling personal tasks and activities
- Running personal errands
Your Qualities
- Loyalty, honesty, integrity
- Polished, professional, positive, friendly demeanor
- Exceptional attention to detail and quality
- Act with absolute discretion and confidentiality
- Highly organised, proactive, and trustworthy
- Exceptional organisational and time management skills
- Able to multitask and work with conflicting priorities
- A positive “can do” attitude
- A strong sense of judgment and ethics
- Mastery of Microsoft Office and fast typing skills
- You must master web browsing, Internet (Google) search, social media platforms (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram) and all other current technologies including smartphone apps and the cloud (Dropbox, Google Suite, etc.).
- Excellent written skills in English
- Great interpersonal skills
- Deadline oriented
- Able to work autonomously and take initiative with little direction and explanation
- The ability to read-between-the-lines and fill in the missing gaps.
- Ability to thrive in a fast-paced environment and proven experience working with tight deadlines
- High levels of emotional intelligence and common sense
- Open-minded and flexible to change
- A good sense of humour
- You must have a driver’s license
To be successful in this role, you must have at least three, ideally more than five years of Executive or Personal Assistant experience working with a C-level executive, preferably a CEO/MD.
Since we promote a health-conscious environment, please note we are not a smoking friendly culture. Most of our team don’t smoke and resent smokers who are often absent ‘outside having a smoke or vaping’.
Whilst we respect all rights to self-expression, we strive to maintain a professional brand image; visible or excessive tattoos, body piercings, fashion or other similar appearance-oriented statements are discouraged by formal request of our corporate clients and in the interest of the team’s professionalism. A high-standard of appearance, personal hygiene and self-care is necessary for all our team members, without exception.
Should you be successful you can expect the following:
- A lengthy, multi-step, time-consuming hiring process
- An immediate start once the decision has been made, you’ll have at least 3-4 weeks lead-up time to know you’re being considered.
- Full reference, background and credit check
- Personality profiling
Our hiring process
1. Please introduce yourself with a YouTube video (you can use a private link). I need someone who is social media savvy.
2. Please include your Linked In profile link, I need someone with a professional presence.
3. Please include a current CV that highlights your accomplishments relevant to this role with at least 1 personal reference I can contact by phone or email.
4. Please respond with ONE PDF with your full name in the filename and role so we can manage your application effectively.
Full Name – Executive Assistant.PDF
– – – – –
Stage two of our hiring process will be for you to complete a personality profile.
If your personality profile is appropriate, I will provide you with a few questions and tasks to test your skills and abilities. This should not take more than 1 hour of your time.
If all of the above is satisfactory, then we’ll meet in person or via video Skype. We’ll discuss the opportunity in detail to determine if ‘we click’ and see eye-to-eye.
The process should not take more than 4 to 6 weeks. This is a very important decision for both of us. For you, it’s a career-making decision and for me it’s a mission-critical commitment to my personal productivity.
– – – – – – – – – –
About Ultimate Edge Communications
Ultimate Edge Communications (UEC) was founded in Sydney in 2014, by Aleisha McCall, winner of B&T’s “Top 30 under 30” in Media award and former international figure skating champion.
Aleisha’s mindset of a champion, energy and enthusiasm are the central theme that has empowered the UEC team to over-deliver on expectations and deliver market beating results across multiple industries in both B2B and B2C sectors.
We’re different from other marketing agencies because we don’t have silos. In fact, we call ourselves a consultancy because we fully integrate across the 4 dimensions of communications: Media, creative design, marketing automation & intelligence. That is how we create market-beating results.
Our Unique Selling Proposition is:
We’re relentless trailblazers on the leading edge, delivering fully integrated data-driven media, creative design and marketing automation & intelligence by intimately collaborating with high growth brands seeking long-lasting market-beating results from an infectiously passionate team.
UEC’s client value proposition begins with expert media buying that requires establishing a key strategic proportion between traditional offline and digital media spending. Once the budget allocation is defined, it then proceeds to tactical deployment of funds across the selected channels to ensure target market optimisation to set the stage for everything that follows.
The second step is to create design elements specifically tailored to each of the channels to ensure optimal conversions while providing coherent maximum brand reinforcement. The collaboration and synchronisation of media and creative design is one of the reasons UEC out-performs its peers as well as internal marketing departments.
The third element builds on this momentum to integrate lead generation and client acquisition activities to feed into a cohesive customer journey that provides a higher conversion on their path to purchase. This is enabled with sophisticated automated workflows that create and enhance the customer experience, reducing attrition at or immediately following a purchase as well as substantially improving customer satisfaction during the consumption of the product or service. This inevitably reduces operational costs. Even though UEC is focused on media, sales and marketing, the systemisation of multiple customer journeys translates into organisational improvements that further create benefits with economies of scale. These improvements often provide clients the much-needed capacity to grow quickly without substantial additional and costly human resources.
The last piece of the puzzle is embracing leading-edge technologies including: Artificial intelligence, machine learning, heuristics, predictive modelling and data analytics to produce market-beating ROI results. This process involves creating a self-reinforcing feedback loop that automatically and systematically applies highly sophisticated mathematics and statistical techniques to optimise all the moving components, so we can manage, monitor and adjust each variable in harmony with the others to maximise profits at the minimum cost while sustaining the highest quality and brand integrity.
I love this so much. Thought it was a joke. Liked it then.
Then realised it wasn’t and loved it more.
I can only expect web traffic to the employer in question will spike as a result of this. If you want more of the (long form) same, read their about us page. Sorry, About ME page.
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their website lists their company USP as….
We’re relentless trailblazers on the leading edge, delivering fully-integrated data-driven media, creative design and marketing automation & intelligence by intimately collaborating with high growth brands seeking long-lasting, market-beating results from an infectiously passionate team
Sounds like the role Anne Hathaway’s character worked in the Devil Wears Prada
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If you haven’t already, look up the company on Glassdoor and read the reviews… WOW!!
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I can find Aleisha McCall nominated as an Entrepreneur in the 2017 30 Under 30 awards, but I can’t find her as a winner of media anywhere. Odd.
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Mumbo jumbo aside, Ultimate Edge Communication can’t tell you what it does. You’d need your head read to want to work for such a meaningless company.
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I thought for a second that Roxy Jacenko started a new biz
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WOW. those reviews!!… sounds like hell to work there.
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Hi Mumbrella Team,
Please contact me for an interview, I’d like the opportunity to offer my perspective.
As a fulltime, working mum and CEO with a 6 month baby and a 3 year old, I need a superstar to help me achieve my outcomes.
Aleisha McCall, Ultimate Edge, CEO
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Never thought any piece of content on mumbrella could beat the day in the life of Kerrin Rae. But Dr. Mumbo – you are the ambassador and this is the tray of ferrero Rocher!
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No company would write such a pompous job advert.
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Please someone tell me this is a joke?
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This is a nightmare!
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Under “Your qualities” they forgot to say “ability to translate into English the About bit”. What a load of tripe this is.
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According to ads / site they’re also currently offering $50k in “free” media to new clients… don’t pitch but will give free media. God only knows what sort of inventory is in that. Feels alllll too grubby.
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Hi Aleisha,
Feel free to shoot me an email: vivienne@mumbrella.com.au, and we can set something up.
I see you’ve also contacted me on LinkedIn, so I’ll have a chat to you there too.
Vivienne – Mumbrella
How quickly can we do this interview? It could beat Prince Andrew’s car crash.
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Sounds good, I have emailed you.
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omg I can’t wait for this interview
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I wonder if the so called Business Partner aka “Puppet Master” aka “Exponential Growth Strategist” will also be attending the interview to pull the ventriloquist act.
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WOW I’m surprised that they decided to stereotype the role as a women’s role only with ‘professional governess.’ Do they assume that the role would only appeal to women or do they not believe that men can also want to be executive assistants?
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This has been the funniest post I read this month and I read a lot of posts from Twitter and Reddit! Thank you Mumbrella. I needed a good laugh. I’m glad I’m not the only one who went on to read the sequel: aka: ABOUT ME PAGE.
Did you see how many roles they have available? It’s so great to work there that there are so many vacancies!
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Shes a mum – surely she would understand about flexible working patterns? i think she needs a serious wake up call. Before you start hiring your EA take a good hard look at the working culture you’re representing……
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Hahaha I saw this on Twitter and so glad Mumbrella has picked it up. The requirements were actually slightly changed after it was first posted but people on Twitter were quick enough to take screenshots – it said “You must have a driver’s license and a valid credit card with a minimum of $2000 of available margin”.
Mumbrella, please make sure you cover this in the follow-up interview.
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The alarming thing is that she is a mother herself? Surely she would understand the importance of work flexibility?
I think she needs a serious wake up call….
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“..you will have the opportunity to optimise the use of our resources, contractors and suppliers, orchestrating them to a symphonic level of value creation..” Do I need to be a maestro as well?
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Beating up on a hard-working aussie mum looking for some help… Shameful!
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there must be another side to this story… will we get to hear it?
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This is almost identical to the job description for my first post uni role. The CEO nearly broke me and I’m pretty sure he delighted in it. Seeing this advert sent me back to that place 20 years ago with a cold shiver down my spine. Every role advertised required a photo (for identification purposes only haha). I was once chastised for not being excited enough about problem solving (after arranging for a plumber to unblock a tenant’s toilet). I had to babysit at the drop of a hat when his kids were sick (day or night). He punched a hole in the wall when I made a typo and I had to rent an apartment in my name for his mistress who was also employed by us. Oh the memories of this delightful place to work. But his view – it’s just a challenging role and should you feel blessed to work for me.
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Also worth a look is how they attribute “media value” to a campaign e.g: https://www.ultimateedgecommunications.com.au/case-studies/under-armour-curry-3-campaign/
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And what is the salary for this position? It better be over 100K as it seems more like a COO role than an EA
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Perhaps a Robot will do the job? Think about it.
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Check this out. Marc Dussault (mentioned here) taught Ms McCall at UTS (it’s on her LinkedIn page). The ad mentioned in this piece and the one you covered today seem strikingly similar… https://www.smh.com.au/national/myob-s-chief-set-to-take-business-council-reins-20190808-p52fbo.html
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Yikes indeed
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Oh my goodness. so unacceptable and so demnading in their requirements. I too thought this is a joke, but no its not April 1st.
I suggest Aleisha McCall, winner of B&T’s “Top 30 under 30”, reconsider her self importance and learn how to manage a team.
Then she might be a chance to be considered for the top 40 under 40. Lets hope its not a “A lengthy, multi-step, time-consuming hiring process” for her.
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Oh please do the follow up. I can’t wait to hear the 10 page justification of her narcissism . Looking forward to this…
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Look halfway down this article Doctor Wants a Donna https://www.smh.com.au/national/myob-s-chief-set-to-take-business-council-reins-20190808-p52fbo.html
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Translated, that means “get our suppliers to do all the work, screw them down on price, pitch the work as your own, and take the credit.”
Nice.
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I don’t know why she didn’t connect with me first…
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salary on seek says $100-150K
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I applied for a copywriting job here about two years ago and had to complete not one but two personality tests and a phone interview before they asked to see any of my writing…
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I believe that ‘Arseholes’R’Us’ have a similar opportunity forthcoming.
But is ARU’s CEO used to skating on thin ice (internationally)?
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>>Acting as the central point of contact and gatekeeper between me, my clients and other stakeholders (contractors and suppliers)< 1. Please introduce yourself with a YouTube video (you can use a private link). I need someone who is social media savvy.
Film yourself on your phone or laptop and upload it to Youtube.
>2. Please include your Linked In profile link, I need someone with a professional presence.
Anyone can open a LinkedIn profile.
>3. Please include a current CV that highlights your accomplishments relevant to this role with at least 1 personal reference I can contact by phone or email.
Only a _personal_ reference you notice, not a business reference. It could be your auntie or Drama teacher.
>4. Please respond with ONE PDF with your full name in the filename and role so we can manage your application effectively.
In other words they can’t get the printer to work so they plug a USB stick directly into the printer…
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Ha yes! Last year they wanted a “Donna” from Suits. That job ad is here https://twitter.com/erinrileyau/status/1157808143260196864
And the Doctor they are referring to is this guy – http://www.marcdussault.com/about-dr-marc-dussault.
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THIS is who we need to see interviewed Mumbrella
https://www.linkedin.com/in/marcdussault/
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What a train wreck, Aleisha you will need to do your own:
•Loyalty, honesty, integrity
•Polished, professional, positive, friendly demeanor
•Exceptional attention to detail and quality
•Act with absolute discretion and confidentiality
•Highly organised, proactive, and trustworthy
•Exceptional organisational and time management skills
•Able to multitask and work with conflicting priorities
•A positive “can do” attitude
•A strong sense of judgment and ethics
•Mastery of Microsoft Office and fast typing skills
•You must master web browsing, Internet (Google) search, social media platforms (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram) and all other current technologies including smartphone apps and the cloud (Dropbox, Google Suite, etc.).
•Excellent written skills in English
•Great interpersonal skills
•Deadline oriented
•Able to work autonomously and take initiative with little direction and explanation
•The ability to read-between-the-lines and fill in the missing gaps.
•Ability to thrive in a fast-paced environment and proven experience working with tight deadlines
•High levels of emotional intelligence and common sense
•Open-minded and flexible to change
To get out of this pickle in a hurry (won’t somebody think of the children)…
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Ha – look at Glassdoor and have some self-awareness…
Even Anna Wintour would roll her eyes.
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Let me guess… pays $65k?
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I am engrossed in the saga that is Ultimate Edge! From the horrendous Glassdoor reviews to the actual site, I have to ask the question…
“Even by media standards, why are there 2 pages of fluff in the space of 1 succinct sentence?”
Most of it doesn’t make sense and is just buzzword filler. It’s everywhere UE, from About Us to the job ads. Whoever does their copy needs a kick up the ass.
(Viv, please address this in your interview!!)
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Just check out Glassdoor to have an idea of what you would you would be getting yourself in for
https://www.glassdoor.com.au/Reviews/Ultimate-Edge-Communications-Reviews-E2240231.htm
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Cannot wait to hear your side of making up your awards wins
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The original job listing also said you have to have a valid drivers license and credit card with $2,000 limit. Please make sure you ask about this. And why she removed them.
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https://www.glassdoor.com.au/Reviews/Ultimate-Edge-Communications-Reviews-E2240231.htm
the review is on par with these guys
https://www.glassdoor.com.au/Reviews/Cummins-and-Partners-Reviews-E995145.htm
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Hire #1 should be an editor.
What a mess of words. So many words that the meaning is lost.
The website is even worse.
I still have no idea what this company does or what their USP is. Something about media, consultancy and velocity (or some similar word they pulled out of a Thesaurus
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Hire a nanny! You are looking for an automation specialist, a designer and a PA wrapped into one with the additional burden of helping you sort your personal life? Sure you’re a busy mom, so am I, but cramming all those requirements into one person is cheap as…
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I’m a mom and this is the biggest load of bs I have ever seen.
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She’s not looking for help; she’s looking for a slave to rest her boot on.
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I’ve got a mate who’s an orchestral conductor, and not getting much work right now… I’ll have to pass this on to him!
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I worked at Cummins and staff were asked to write positive reviews on glass door. As a junior it is difficult to say no. A lot of their negative reviews have been removed.
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This is amazing. There’s even a video on the seek advert.
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You can read Aleisha’s response to these accusations here:
https://mumbrella.com.au/the-interview-you-all-wanted-aleisha-mccall-responds-to-adlands-worst-job-ad-of-2020-631560
Thanks,
Vivienne – Mumbrella
I didn’t get to ask this question, but I do thank you for your participation and interest.
You can read the full interview here:
https://mumbrella.com.au/the-interview-you-all-wanted-aleisha-mccall-responds-to-adlands-worst-job-ad-of-2020-631560
Thanks,
Vivienne – Mumbrella
Yes. You will.
It is available for you to read, in full, now:
https://mumbrella.com.au/the-interview-you-all-wanted-aleisha-mccall-responds-to-adlands-worst-job-ad-of-2020-631560
Vivienne – Mumbrella
Hello LMAO,
It’s here for your reading pleasure:
https://mumbrella.com.au/the-interview-you-all-wanted-aleisha-mccall-responds-to-adlands-worst-job-ad-of-2020-631560
Vivienne – Mumbrella
Well, here it is:
https://mumbrella.com.au/the-interview-you-all-wanted-aleisha-mccall-responds-to-adlands-worst-job-ad-of-2020-631560
Vivienne – Mumbrella
Not as quickly as I would have liked, but it is done now:
https://mumbrella.com.au/the-interview-you-all-wanted-aleisha-mccall-responds-to-adlands-worst-job-ad-of-2020-631560
seek says it pays $100-150K
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The positive reviews on Glassdoor for this place are bullshit, as you can probably guess.
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Psych tests in the hands of Narcissist bosses is the basis of all good workplace nervous breakdowns (and reality TV shows)
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The Glassdoor reviews are absolutely accurate. They had over 30+ leave within a year, for a team of 10-12 that’s a ridiculous turnover rate at any standard. Most people
left after a month
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They forced every employee to memorise this and repeat it numerous times during the week.. they were embarrassed if they didn’t get it right.
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They win at BS bingo…
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It’s a lie, they will give you 60k and say you can earn upto 50k in bonuses if they hit targets, but they constantly move the targets. In my time nobody got the bonus even the longest standing staff.. which anything over a year was like answered with “wow and why”
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The truth can be hard to handle. No more ultimate edge on Glassdoor. Hope everyone here got to read the reviews before it was removed.
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Me reading the article:
Well at least they didn’t use the most irritating term in media recruitment.
Me seeing ‘superstar’ in the CEO’s comment:
BINGO
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I can vouch for Aleisha and her integrity is 100% sound. I think there’s a culture in Australia you need to get paid the highest rate whether you have qualifications or not and whether you actually do your job well or not.
You need superstars on your team not complainers or bludgers. Let’s keep in mind most people will post negative reviews and not positive ones.
I personally think it’s a great opportunity and I’d apply if I could!
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What the actual F.
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Ok Google!!
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…She’s baaaaaaack!
https://www.seek.com.au/Job/50101052/?cid=ios-share
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She’s baaaaaack!
https://www.seek.com.au/Job/50101052/?cid=ios-share
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Is this for real? Where’s that 3 hr interview!?!? Please do it Vivienne
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Startup job ads decoded:
We have a flat structure -> the CEO makes every decision
Lots of autonomy -> you will have to figure it out by yourself
Fast paced environment -> we are all stressed
Looking for a self starter -> we have no idea what we’re doing
We are bootstrapped -> may not make payroll next month
We all wear many hats -> you will have to do other people’s jobs
Unlimited holiday -> no holiday
No job titles -> no advancement
No managers -> no mentorship
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