Telstra’s ten crimes against advertising

New Telstra creativity supremo Mark Collis no doubt has a lot on his plate.

So in case he’s not had a chance to check out the agency reels yet, Mumbrella presents the ten worst Telstra ads of the last five years.  

10. Camping

Reason to hate the ad: Furtive fumblings in the dark. A camp moustache. Yes, a spot of mild homophobia to kick off our list.

9. Brad & Emma – Where Is

Reason to hate the ad: Their so-called fanpage on Facebook may describe them as “Australia’s most hilarious couple”, instead, wet Brad and bitchy Emma are the sort of people even hitchhikers wouldn’t want a lift from.

8. Bob Geldof

Reason to hate the ad: One of three ads featuring famous celebrities with no connection to the product other than a willingness to accept a large sack of money for playing themselves. Badly.

7. Bagpipes

Reason to hate the ad: Okay, the rabbits ad was cute, but Patrick & Daniel are not as beloved to the nation as Telstra seems to believe. This ad was the moment they passed their best by date

6. Brazilian

Reason to hate the ad: This “banned ad” involving a weak pub on the word Brazilian looked like an attempt to create something controversial for the sake of it. With 800 views in the last two years, it failed.

5. Keyboard Cat

Reason to hate the ad: A new contribution, to promote the T-Hub. Tapping into a year-old internet meme is about as cool as a dad at a wedding.

4. Dustin Hoffman

Reason to hate the ad: Like the Geldof ad, star power along cannot save a sucky script

3. Call Mum

Reason to hate the ad: Because if you cast the psycho from Wolf Creek (John Jarratt) and put spooky music under the ad, it’s a natural assumption that mum’s been buried in the back garden.

2. ErnCorp – local

Reason to hate the ad: Even a character as irredeemably stupid as Ern probably wouldn’t assume that his secretary has become an alcoholic overnight. And if he did, he might spot the difference between a phone shop and a boozer once he walked in.

1. John McEnroe

Reason to hate the ad: You cannot be serious that this got made

Tim Burrowes


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