When an apology doesn’t apologise: when should you say sorry?
Why do people who work in media and communications find it so hard to say 'sorry'? Brett Galvin of The Mint Partners reckons it's time we build a culture around owning our mistakes.
Stand up. Take it on the chin. Everyone can see you made a mistake. No one is dead. Take responsibility. If you don’t, then watch the trolls take you down.
Communication crises can be stopped in its tracks quickly and effectively with swift honesty and the firm hand of integrity.
Whether you are Chris Gayle, Eddie McGuire or Sonia Kruger, a simple, “I made a mistake, I am deeply sorry and this is how this situation will never happen again…” is a far greater sentence than “I’m sorry that that was the way it was perceived”.
From Eddie McGuire on the great non-apology to Caroline Wilson for his calling for her to be drowned, to Chris Gayle’s “There wasn’t anything at all meant to be disrespectful toward Mel, or offensive. If she felt this way, then I am really sorry for that…” through to Sonia Kruger’s “I have a lot of good friends who are Muslim, but…”. We have a country full of people in the spotlight saying something while saying nothing at all.
The industry’s latest “sorry, not sorry” show-down was between a job candidate and a potential employer (subsequently spilling out into a social media frenzy), the apology reading: “the comment was made to make her feel more comfortable”… the apology was made due to the potential employer pointing out the colour of her skin.
By not stopping at ‘sorry’, the apologiser has taken no responsibility for anything. It seems that the majority of non-apologies come when there is some sort of social media brouhaha. A private post can become very, very public in a matter of one or two shares.
This can then become a bit of an internet sensation with meme’s being created, putting the incident firmly into the vernacular.
Kruger and Gayle felt the heat almost immediately, where as McGuire went a week without a second thought on his comments, before they were brought back up and played out through social and mainstream media, which goes to show that even when the moment has passed, you can still be held accountable well into the future.
Some of McGuire’s colleagues who were discussing the hopeful drowning on air, came out with a solid apology straight away, and guess what? People aren’t speaking about them. They’ve moved on.
We work in an industry that is client / media / stakeholder / people focused. We need to build a culture around ownership of mistakes. Our teams want a people-focused culture and autonomy in their roles, but if we, as agency leaders, are not going to hold ourselves accountable, then how do we expect that from our people?
There is no denying that in real life communications between adults, sometimes things are said at the spur of a moment that doesn’t necessarily reflect the views or the stance of either the person saying it or the organisation that they are representing. It is how the individual and the company handle the response in the wake of something like this being said, that shows the true heart of the organisation.
Statements are drafted and crafted by PR departments and legal counsel, often diluting the situation so as not to make a bigger deal of it, but in the drafting, editing, rewriting and, finally, the delivery, the statement is often devoid of any heart, remorse or indeed apology.
It’s okay to make mistakes. But one must simply say ‘sorry’. There is no need for any editorialisation of what happened. It was just a bad decision at a terrible time. Yes, by all means go ahead and state your hiring charter (women in leadership, ethnic diversity, etc). But honestly, when the time comes to apologise – just do it.
Through failure success can be bred but the person making the mistakes must be prepared to learn from them. Feedback, after all, is vital to anyone’s future success.
Everyone needs to stand up and be held accountable. No one needs to be fired for saying the wrong thing. They just need to apologise. A no questions asked, take-responsibility-for-my-actions, apology.
Otherwise if just feels a bit like an apology from a 13-year-old with rolling eyes.
Brett Galvin is the managing director at The Mint Partners
Did it not occur to the writer that some of these people didn’t believe they had to say sorry? Just because someone is Lefty-lynched in the Twittersphere, does not make them guilty of anything other than enjoying the last vestiges of their freedom of speech in Australia. They either said something stupid (MacGuire), or made a goose of themselves (Gayle) or dared to express their legitimate and heartfelt views on a topic (Kruger). People may disagree, but they may not impede these people’s inalienable right to freedom of expression. “Sorry” is not necessarily warranted, as its only purpose would be to validate the censorious totalitarianism of the cowards who try to lynch them. “Sorry” can also be meaningless capitulation to bullying.
In the case of Mel McLaughlin, it’s likely that she’s saying “thankyou”, because combined with her talent, the incident’s global publicity skyrocketed her career to the most coveted position, sports anchor for the Seven Network.
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Absolutely agree with you!
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What a refreshing read! Thank you Brett.
While freedom of speech does imply just that, where does decency, humility and humanity fall into the hierarchy of simply being good humans?
If the 21st century means of communicating enables slander, prejudice and offence (albeit often hiding behind a screen to do so), what will become the norm for the next generation of communication?
I say – let’s go back to please, thank you and sorry. Oh, and perhaps an educated point of view versus just a point of view wouldn’t go astray either!
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And just what did Sonia Kruger have to say sorry for?
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I couldn’t agree with the above comments more! I’m so sick and tired of the lefty loudmouths and their social media judgements. Everybody has a right to their opinions. The fact that they are personal opinions means they shouldn’t be judged as right or wrong. Unless there is a law against it people should respect what others think. Stop the hysterical labeling and shaming and online judging. It’s bloody ridiculous.
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@Mike
Well said. I 100% agree.
Brett,
Your comment is absolutely disgusting.
It’s not enough to bully and shame people into apologising for whatever doesn’t fit into your pathetic PC worldview, once they’ve complied in an attempt to get their lives back, you feel it’s your right to dictate their thoughts as well.
Pathetic attempt at scoring brownie point with the office feminazis.
Shame on you.
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You almost made a great point until you said “feminazis”. The last time I looked, the trolls weren’t gender specific. You just ruined your own case.
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Anonymous – I don’t understand your vitriol.
Talk about the pot calling the kettle black when it comes to bullying and shaming. “Your comment is absolutely disgusting” What’s with the slander? Since when was being PC pathetic? Go back to the eighties where you clearly belong.
This article is someone’s opinion – of which he is entitled to, just like the people you are claiming are also.
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This article is all said in context with managing your PR and what’s more effective. As put into an example – those who said sorry didn’t cop further wrath, those who said it without saying it, copped even more.
Banjo’s case of not accepting responsibility and coming up with a meek excuse for the situation is not an opinion, it’s a fact. Say sorry. The woman was offended for being called brown. This isn’t a case of being left or right, it’s a case of right or wrong. It’s blatant, blatant racism. Period.
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@@Anonymous
“Feminazi” is made up of “feminist” and “nazi”, neither of which are gender specific.
I’m convinced that the underlying motivation of male SJWs and feminists these days has to do with sexual selection, meaning the female version of the feminazi is necessarily their target, but happy to admit that this is entirely speculative. Maybe they all just happened to start worrying about “equality” etc at the exact same time it became trendy…
That a word like that could ruin my case doesn’t make sense though.
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Perhaps it’s time our industry grows a backbone and stands up for free speech, diversity of opinion, people’s right to offend and say things that not 100% of people agree with, instead of bending over and say sorry ever time the social media monster rears its ugly head.
That’s a general comment. Actual racism is of course unacceptable. But there are usually more than one side to these stories, I’d imagine there’s a person who feels pretty awful at Banjo this week. What is the chance that this person is an actual racist? Racism and related words are thrown around way too liberally these days.
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@Caro
So what are you complaining about my post for then? By simply calling everything an opinion and implying they’re all equal is quite literally meaningless.
The writer is standing on the shoulders of the twitter mob giant and continue the bullying and oppression of individuals with the wrong opinions. I’m calling him out on it.
In the words of George Carlin says: “political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners”. Pathetic, then, is a rather generous description. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkhUivqzWv0
What’s wrong with the 80s? The yuppies certainly had more fun than the hipsters these days.
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Agree, Sonia Kruger was not the right example. She doesn’t have to say sorry for being a bigot. But she still should. Banning Muslims? Her comments were as tactless as Banjo’s.
However, this article was not about that. It was about managing a crisis, and how an unadulterated sorry goes a longway. It’s hard to pour scorn on someone after they humbly admit wrongdoing.
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