Opinion

Career coach: I love my job, but I hate my boss – what do I do?

Kate Savage

It’s a workplace dilemma that can dictate your overall happiness during a day in the office. This week, we tackle what to do when you love the role you work in, but not the personalities you work with

I love my job, but I hate my boss – what do I do??”

Hi Lorraine

I hear you. Hate’s a strong word though, and if you really do feel that strongly then I’m sorry, it’s a horrible way to feel every day and this has probably been going on for a while?

Ok, we have a few options here. None of which I’m afraid include getting your boss to change, getting rid of them ‘horrible-bosses-style’ or telling them where to stick their job.

You can’t change other people, you can only change how you react to, and interact with, them.

Have a talk with them (this is not the same as ‘have it out with them’)

Without more details it’s hard for me to know where your hatred is coming from. Are they hands on, hands off, do they play favourites, or is it a personality clash? Do they (or you) clash with everyone, or is it just something between the two of you?

Either way, first thing you need to figure out is what you want. What do you want to happen, to change?

Although you know this conversation is about trying to get them to start/stop doing whatever it is that’s making you feel like this, they don’t need to know that.

This isn’t about them, this is about you. “It’s not you, it’s me”, as they say.

Here are some sentence starters…

  • I’ve noticed that…
  • I feel…
  • The impact is…
  • I may have contributed by…
  • What I would like is…
  • How do you think we should move forward on this…

Treat them how they wish to be treated

Forget for a moment how they’re treating you; are you treating them in the way they want to be treated?

Are they extrovert, introvert, detail-focused, big-picture? It’s not pandering, it’s professional – if you know that behaving in a certain way will help your case, then try it. See what happens, it might help.

Talk to someone who can influence/help

Never accuse or blame or make it personal when you go to a 3rd party. Nobody cares, most people don’t like bitching in the workplace, and it doesn’t show how he or she can help.

If you’re talking to someone else about the situation you’re in, this is about what you see as the communication issues, what you’ve done to try and solve it, and what would they suggest as a next step. (This might also be a bit of a safety blanket for you, depending on the level of animosity between you.)

Suck It Up

You’re a big girl now. It’s unlikely anyone will care if you two don’t get on if you’re at a senior level. You’ll just be told to sort it out. And so for your own sanity you need to change how you react to them and deal with them. Don’t take it personally. Don’t disengage from your work, or from them. And don’t bitch. Figure out what you’re going to do about it, pick your battles (if any) and concentrate on the goal you’re aiming for, regardless of this relationship.

Leave

I’m sorry to say that if you’ve tried all of the above, none of it’s working, you hate your 9-5pm (or most likely longer hours), get out. DON’T tell them where to stick it, never burn bridges – the world is too small.

But there have got to be similar roles out there. You said you love your job? Find another one before your confidence, sanity and references get obliterated. Don’t jump ship just to get out. Figure out what your next move could/should be, make it a positive goal (not a run-away option), and go after it.

It’s all about choice.

You choose (not easily) how to react to them. You choose whether the role is worth the toxic relationship. You choose whether to stay or go.

Just make sure you’ve tried to make it work, and that if you decide to go it’s towards a positive change, not away from a toxic one.

  • Kate Savage is a career coach and mentor at Elbow Room Group

If you have a question you’d like answered, just email kate.savage@elbowroomcoaching.com – named or anonymous, on any career topic.

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