Before the elevator doors open
As R U OK? Day approaches, Dim Apostolovski from Clearwater Agency explains how being a broken human and showing his vulnerabilities helped him become a better leader.
For as long as I can remember, the sound of the elevator door opening each morning signified it was “game time”, a time when personal life and professional life would switch in an instant. A symbolic reminder to leave one world behind, as the professional workday began. Shoulders back, smile, greet team members and begin the day as planned, leaving the personal life at the door.
For many years, switching to “game time” served me well, it was simple, straight forward and expected. This reminder was instilled into me early in my leadership journey, “don’t ever forget, all eyes are on you now”. This was until I truly realised compartmentalising these two worlds would be both my greatest asset and my greatest weakness.
I was thrust into my leadership journey, like many leaders, before I was ready. Possessing strong technical subject matter expertise, ambition and performance, a leadership role was mine. Suddenly, I was leading a team of 25 as technical (search) director. Fast forwarding several years, I was appointed as general manager of the organisation with a team of 120, the largest independent digital marketing agency in Australia.
It wasn’t until I was well and truly into my first leadership role that I understood how flawed my approach would become. After I received my first 360 feedback survey responses it hit me in the face like a sledge hammer. There was a consistent theme, a golden thread that was consistent across all those who provided the gift of feedback.
I was failing as a leader in the area that mattered most; connecting with my team. Whilst performance and output from the team was at a high standard, their feedback of my leadership was jarring to say the least. Providing feedback is a gift, it requires honesty and courage to say what needs to be said, even when it’s anonymous.
The theme was a consistent one, I was disconnected from my team. The persona I created, the idea of a stoic leader and compartmentalising my role as a leader and that of team member was failing my team.
One of my greatest lessons learned through this process would begin to reshape my approach as a leader and begin the journey of my leadership development. The core theme, vulnerability. Importantly, it was the lack of vulnerability I displayed that lead to the disconnection I faced as a leader with my team.
The compartmentalising of my personal and professional life and my “game time” approach had failed me – it created a wall between my team and I. A wall that I was committed to take down, one brick at a time.
It can be difficult for us to acknowledge our weaknesses, to be open and vulnerable, it requires high level of self-awareness, honesty with oneself, empathy and communication.
Vulnerability, is not a weakness but a sign of strength. This lesson was a powerful message, one of which resonated so strongly with me after watching Brene Brown’s TED Talk “The Powerful of Vulnerability”. Vulnerability provides a foundation for team members to be honest, open and creates an environment for non-judgmental communication and relationships. Brick by brick, I began breaking down the wall that I had created.
During this time, I was going through the breakdown of my marriage and my personal life was a mess, but thankfully I had peers I could lean on for support. Ordinarily I would have defaulted to a position of never allowing my personal and professional life to co-exist in the same space. I ensured that this time, it would not be the case.
I began the process of sharing my personal life with my leadership team, connecting with them in a raw, visceral way. The wall I created was suddenly hit with a sledge hammer. These new conversations were raw and cathartic, especially as I recognised and thanked them for their feedback and declared my commitment to them to become a better leader.
The impact this had on my leadership team was immeasurable. Improved communication, trust, accountability, feedback and a true understanding of one another, provided the foundation to develop and grow, professionally, and personally.
So what does vulnerability look like as a leader and what impact can this have on your leadership and team?
Firstly, it provides authenticity. Authentic leadership allows team members to see who you are as a person, the ability to understand and connect with you, it creates a space that allows others into your head to understand who you are.
Second, it provides an empathetic approach, a soft skill that is often overlooked.
Empathy allows leaders to connect and build relationships with their team, it provides a mechanism to understand root causes of issues such as performance and engagement.
Vulnerability is the strength and courage of leaders to express that they are not an expert on everything, they may not have all the others. In turn, leaning on those around them to provide coverage for any skill gaps and capability. This will strengthen a team, displaying trust and commitment to team members.
Communication is at the centre of success, vulnerability will create a space of trust and safety for others to speak freely and openly, mitigating potential reservations some may have to do so.
Vulnerability, I believe, is at the core for successful leadership at any level. Often vulnerability can be seen as a weakness by leaders, with them facing constant pressure to perform at the highest of levels. I believe that in order to inspire and connect with others, you must see it as a strength, not a weakness.
I believe that many leaders can overlook the impact their teams’ personal life can have on their engagement and performance. Often, this is the result of a lack of trust, “psychology safety” and the fear of judgement. I truly believe that vulnerability will allow team members to express freely what occurs “before the elevators doors open” each morning. Performance and engagement go hand in hand, often this engagement is greatly impacted by personal matters. Being a vulnerable leader will provide your team with confidence to discuss such matters, accept constructive feedback, and most importantly, ask for help and support.
Vulnerability is the measurement of courage, it can be a difficult process to begin but one that will shape you to become a better leader, resulting in better team performance and importantly, the engagement and happiness of those you lead.
Dim Apostolovski is general manager of digital marketing company Clearwater Agency.
