Dr Mumbo

Hard Rock looks to buy The Star, add tasteful glass guitars to Australian skylines

Star Entertainment is considering an investment approach by Hard Rock Hotels and Resorts, which will see The Star rebranded as Hard Rock, and tasteful glass guitars added to the skyline of three Australian cities.

The Star operates casinos in Sydney, Brisbane, and the Gold Coast, and is currently embroiled in a second inquiry regarding its suitability to hold a gaming licence.

The injection of funds from Hard Rock will help with any “serious and systemic non-compliance” fines that come with any breaches of anti-money laundering laws, while the addition of three giant glass guitar-shaped buildings to the Darling Harbour, Brisbane, and Gold Coast skylines will certainly deflect any discussions regarding said anti-laundering breaches.

According to Star Hotel insiders, the simple act of constructing three, multi-story glass guitars in three major Australian cities will help change the conversation from one focused on organised criminal activity and mass corruption, towards a more architectural chat, mostly regarding the artistic and structural merit of said glass guitar buildings.

Star’s share price jumped 18% yesterday, after it told the AFR it had “inbound interest” from Hard Rock – however, the company has denied it is looking at adding three giant glass guitar-shaped buildings to the architectural make-up of our cities, telling the paper: “Any misuse of the Hard Rock name in unauthorised business dealings is taken very seriously. We are currently investigating this matter and will pursue all necessary legal actions to protect our brand and reputation.”

Dr Mumbo can, however, reveal that 5,000 Guns N Roses fruity machines did mysteriously arrive in the Harbour during the early hours of the morning, as did a box of Ringo Starr’s old suits, and a roulette machine based on LL Cool J’s chain, as seen in the Vegas Hard Rock.

The plot thickens…


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