Ikea has devised two possible layouts for hopeful Prime Ministers Tony Abbott and Kevin Rudd in newspaper ads published today.
The half page ads featured in Sydney’s The Daily Telegraph, Queensland’s Courier Mail and The Herald Sun in Melbourne and are featured on the Ikea website.
The “kitchens fit for a PM” – the “Abutt” and the Ruddick” – were created in-house, Ikea said. The brand’s regular creative agencies are The Monkeys, and 303Lowe in the West.
The kitchens have been designed around the notorious traits of the political party leaders.
The Ruddick is based on a late ‘noughties’ revival, using products and accessories popular in 2007, and key features include a recycling bin for disposing of ‘Gyllard’ policies, a photo frame displaying a ‘Kevin ‘07’ jersey, and a storage solution for books and academic journals to maintain the (suppository) repository of all knowledge’.
The Abbutt kitchen is a traditional design that has had a modern makeover, and features include a coat rack to host outfits such as a fireman’s jacket, a bike helmet and budgie smugglers, as well as a ‘woopsie moppa’ for emergency clean ups after a ‘slip of the tongue’, and a storage cupboard for keeping policy details out of sight from prying eyes.
Ikea Australia spokeswoman Angela McCann said: “With two distinctive and very different personalities potentially moving into The Lodge for the long term, we thought they could do with a helping hand and inspiration to make sure their kitchen is perfectly suited to them.”
Full features of the bespoke kitchens are as follows:
This IKEA kitchen solution draws inspiration from designs and accessories popular in the late noughties
Keep laptop, tablet and mobile phone within easy reach so that you’re never too far away to share your LOL and FML moments on Twitter or Instagram.
Keep the media junkie in you satisfied with a wall mounted TV that remains in easy vision.
3. Foto Framia
Large, wall mountable frame, ideal for displaying family photos or reinforcing the support for your favourite political player, even if it is yourself.
Be a man of the people by throwing a sausage on the grill and having a chinwag with the family. Don’t forget the sauce!
Ensure your kitchen is free of cooking smells or any whiff of political expediency with this powerful extraction fan.
Spacious kitchen table, perfect for hosting any emergency Kitchen Cabinet meetings.
Bar stool with non-slip footrest, meaning it will take at least 75% of your party to oust you. Extra features include a swivel function for any necessary spinning during political debates.
Guilty of letting the occasional bad word slip? Repent with this large swear jar, perfect for storing loose change.
Powerful but silent dishwasher, meaning you can eradicate any evidence of dirt with more ruthless efficiency than a Sussex Street clean out.
A sudden overspill of Gyllård policies to dispose of? Make sure you recycle smartly with this large paper-friendly bin.
Keep the iced VoVos fresh when you need to pop the kettle on for a cosy family pow-wow or election strategy meeting.
Easy and quick to assemble cupboards make difficult cabinet reshuffles a thing of the past.
Handy knife rack that keeps knives in the open and accounted for, to avoid being stabbed in the back by fellow party members or ex-PMs planning revenge.
Keep this rug from being pulled out from under you, by securing it firmly underneath the kitchen table.
Large and clever storage solution for books and academic journals, will ensure your status of ‘suppository repository of all knowledge’ is maintained.
A traditional IKEA kitchen concept that has been updated with a recent ‘modern’ makeover
1. Foto Shrinen
Want to pay tribute to the person that you idolise? This wall frame is perfect for portrait-style prints.
These handy chalkboards allow you to strategically place punchy three-word slogans around the kitchen, to help keep your family focused and on track.
Sturdy legs and ample hooks to ensure a variety of accessories are on hand for the modern day action man.
This stool has supportive legs and comfortable cushioning to accommodate any corporate patriarchs or other heavyweights that come to visit.
Handy knife storage for convenient access, whatever your slicing and dicing needs – meats, vegetables or pesky leadership contenders.
6. Electrik Ovenaa
Electric hob and oven with extra safety features, so you never have to find your inner firefighter.
7. Woopsie Moppa
Easy to access mop, to help quickly clean up the mess from any accidental leaking of right-wing viewpoints and other social gaffs.
Have policy details you want to keep out of public view? These smart storage solutions will help keep your secrets under wraps.
Practice your icy stare for objectionable journalists while investigating dinner options in this spacious freezer.
This lightweight whisk will always be close to hand if you find yourself needing to be whisked away from challenging situations e.g. press conferences.
Need to practice turning back boats? This large sink holds plenty of water so that you can perfect your technique.
Have any taxes that you need to scrap, fast? This large bin is ideal for food remains, carbon taxes, mining taxes and any other kitchen waste.