Dr Mumbo

Attention dumb ladies and bratty PR bitches: Look at the pretty flowers – it’s time for the B&T Women In Media Awards

Ping! An email draws Dr Mumbo’s attention to the news that B&T has launched its Women in Media Awards, with a website with a lovely floral design. As the correspondent puts it: “Nothing says serious awards about the promotion and advancement of women leaders… like some pretty feminine flowers.”

women in media B&T

Manhood - John BastickBut for those who think that the trade title may not understand the subtleties of how to talk to professional women, they can be reassured by the presence of new B&T online editor John Bastick. In his prior existence, Mr Bastick demonstrated quite an expertise on the nuances of professional sexual politics in his “Manhood” column for Ask Men.

And we certainly have a lot to learn from Mr Bastick’s writing. For instance:

1. Women in PR and media sales are only interested in “shopping and hair dye”

He asks: “Am I wrong in surmising that the women most likely to moan about the apparent ‘man drought’ are white-collar and middle-class with ‘exciting’ jobs in PR and media sales, and whose favourite topic of conversation is shopping and hair dye?”

PR media sales

For the record, yes, John. Yes you are.

2. Working in PR makes you an overpaid, bratty little bitch

Indeed, Mr Bastick is quite preoccupied on the value or otherwise of the PR industry, mulling on one story he read in The Australian. Apparently, working in PR turns you into a “bratty, obnoxious little bitch”, and an overpaid one at that.

“The article featured an interview with a pretty young blonde, 19 I believe she was, who’d just been given the arse from her $1500-a-week week job in PR; a salary I have no idea how they justified paying her at such a tender age, but one she dutifully exhausted every week on a new wardrobe, boozy nights out and trips to the hairdressers. Circumspect, the poor young thing had resigned herself to an immediate future as a modestly paid checkout chick. No, what this downturn has done has saved her from turning out to be a spoiled, bratty, obnoxious little bitch, that’s what it’s done.”

3. It’s “bleeding obvious” that men deserve to earn more than women

Then there was the time Mr Bastick asked (and answered) the question “Should Men Earn More Than Women?”

“It’s over yet another damn newspaper report moaning that Australian men are paid significantly more than Australian women. This latest one comes from the ever whingey ACTU and makes the tenuous claim that the Aussie gentleman, over our working lives, stands to earn an extra million bucks more than our good lady folk. Look, I have no idea at all if that’s true,  but it is yet another aspersion against men and the salaries we’re paid.

“I don’t want to document what’s commonly known as the bleeding obvious, but yes, men, if you averaged it out over our working lives do probably get paid more. And here’s the clanger. You know why? Because many of us deserve to…”

bastick ask men

You see: “What we do is use that extra money to buy homes, have outrageously huge mortgages, put our kids through school, allow our wives significant time off from their jobs to raise our young children.”

4. Concern about workplace harrasment is overrated

Indeed, men may be the oppressed minority: “Half the time you dare lick an envelope the wrong way in front of a female staff member and you’ll be frogmarched to HR for a dressing down and a sexual harassment charge!”

bastick ask men women

5. There’s no glass ceiling

Mr Bastick isn’t convinced that the issue of women finding it tougher to get senior jobs should be taken seriously either:

“When it comes to the “glass ceiling” why does it only ever exist in the cushy well-paid jobs like the CEO of Macquarie Bank or becoming Prime Minister? I’m sure there’s no “glass ceiling” when it comes to shovelling manure at the stables at Royal Randwick or laying roof tiles in 40 degree heat.”

6. Men doing housework is like having your penis cut off

But of course, Mr Bastick is a modern man, who until his B&T gig used to freelance from home, where he was able to mull on topics like “Why A Work-Life Balance Is Dangerous” while his wife was at work. Although a man doing housework would equate to having “his penis cut off”.

“Then, when she gets home in the evening, there’s always some blazing row because her brain computes that I’ve been home all day yet that hasn’t translated to the towels being washed, the dinner being cooked and the roof being re-tiled. Because I’ve been effin working all day, haven’t I! I’m not (yet) some pathetic, emasculated househusband who’s had his penis cut-off!”

john bastick wife penis

7. It’s raining dumb women

And despite this happy marriage, Bastick also has views on the dating scene. Or as his article is headlined, “Man Drought? Or Raining Dumb Women“.

You see, the man drought is “propaganda made up by annoying women” waiting while “their vaginas turn to dust”. He suggests: “So in reality it’s not a ‘man’ drought at all – rather it’s a ‘no-rich-blokes-with-Fabio-good-looks-a-stack-of-fast-cars-and-a-whopping-cock’ drought.”

john bastick man drought

“I’m guessing most of these women who are claiming they can’t find a fella have some sort of tertiary education, a city job, make $70-$80K and would be considered moderately attractive. However, when they walk into a bar full of tertiary educated, city working, $70-80K, moderately attractive single men they’ll claim there’s no good men to be found! Eh?”

8. Women who fail to show sufficient interest in men are snooty, humourless bitches

Dr Mumbo also detects some anger issues: “A 400-buck pair of Sass and Bides, some Terry Biviano pumps and a fake Prada handbag is no compensation for an utter lack of personality and being a stuck-up, charisma-free, humourless bitch. So don’t get all snooty.”

bastick humourless bitch

Got it, ladies?


Get the latest media and marketing industry news (and views) direct to your inbox.

Sign up to the free Mumbrella newsletter now.



Sign up to our free daily update to get the latest in media and marketing.